The president has been kidnapped by ninjas and here is the plan to get him back. The government sends out their top agent to go hire random people off the streets for this mission. You won’t need any real military training or a rocket launcher, you just need to be bad enough. I think I’m going to use that in my next job interview.
Now let’s look at this badass. He comes action-packed with a flat-top, pilot jacket and weird-looking, cybernetic aviator sunglasses. Unfortunately he doesn’t make any appearances in the game but if he did, his special move would be some sort of super-combo, teeth kick. He’s the type of guy that snorts low-grade blow before speaking at D.A.R.E. programs.
And here are the two bad dudes that were hired. These guys spend more time at the gym then at their jobs. The bad dude on the left is a personal trainer who’s been fired numerous times for sexual harassment against his clients while the bad dude on the right is a security guard at Wal-Mart. His not-so-badass days is when he has to fill in for the retarded door greeter — “Herro elcome tu wah-murt.”
Obviously these two quit their jobs to rescue the president. It was their only chance to score some money, fame, and win the thongs of Bon Jovi groupies. These guys are so bad that they they’re going into the thick of battle with just their gym clothes. It is the first time in history that guns and swords are no match for wife beaters with attitude. This game should have been called “Badittude!” with the exclamation mark included.
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